Therapy Session

I’ve been in a funk as of late and, since this is my blog to open up if I want…. I’m gonna talk about it. Therapy is now in session.

I was recently informed that a good fellow Christian, who has struggled for several years on her faith, has now conceded that “there is no God.”

That it saddens my heart—or anyone’s for that matter—is not a surprising reaction. What’s been disturbing me goes way deeper than that. This is a woman I met through one of the startup groups in our church. There was a core group of people in our church convicted, even commissioned we felt, to build a group for a specific age group where we could share similar life experiences and pray for each other. During group prayers it seemed that every time this woman opened her mouth and heart to God the Holy Spirit just “wham”… settled over us in a very tangible way. She had a way of expressing herself, and all of our hearts, in prayer that I really admired.

Here’s the rub. How can anyone experience the overpowering love of God and, I truly believe, overwhelming evidence of God’s existence dismiss it all like that? Only God knows her true heart; but it certainly makes you wonder… was she ever really saved? Is she still saved? Can anyone be truly on fire for God and then quench those passions to the point of non-existence? To an even greater degree…it makes me question the validity of what I’m feeling in those moments of prayer. Maybe I’m just emotionally charged and it’s not the Holy Spirit at all. Perhaps what I hear and believe to be truth is simply someone expressing themselves in a very articulate way.

This is a spiritual thorn for me. I feel like my discernment has been challenged. I begin to question what is real, what is holy, what is truth. I know in my head that I need to be all the more in prayer and seeking God’s wisdom… but my heart doesn’t always follow suit with my head.

Now I’ve spent my whole life asking God “Why?…Where?...Show me…How come?...Are You there?...” and on and on I seek and question. Yet I don’t see my lack of conclusions or answers to be evidence of God’s absence. I still feel loved and acknowledged as a created being.

When I’m confronted with situations like this, it is a reminder that my faith needs to pick up where my emotions, even intellect, leave off. I need to find the time to get in one accord with God and find that connection… that spiritual connection. That connection which transcends emotions and thoughts.

Yeah, I’m struggling with this one alright… but I know I have a God, a personal God, a real God that’ll get me through this. Your prayers are certainly welcomed.

Session over.

Greg A. Morton
© 6-03-08